For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a strong fear of losing control. It wasn’t always visible from the outside, but itdeeply affected how I behaved and how I felt inside. This fear didn’t come out of nowhere it has roots in my past.
It began with several painful experiences. As a child, I didn’t feel emotionally supported or understood. Later, certain relationships left me feeling betrayed and rejected. One major turning point was a car accident. I wasn’t driving, but I completely trusted the person behind the wheel. After the accident, I realized how quickly things could change, how powerless we are in certain situations. That’s when I started trying to control everything : my environment, my actions, even my emotions.
At school, this fear of losing control became stronger. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect. I got frustrated veryquickly when things didn’t go the way I expected, whether it was a bad grade, a group project not going well, or evenbeing late. I often felt anxious in situations where I didn’t have full control, like oral presentations or group activitieswhere I had to rely on others.
The fear also showed up in smaller, daily moments. For example, I would always feel more comfortable when I was the one deciding the plan or managing how things would go. I also needed to feel prepared all the time, because beingunprepared felt like losing control.
Looking back, I understand now that this fear was my brain’s way of protecting me from emotional harm. But in reality, itisolated me and made me more anxious. It affected my confidence and made school life heavier than it should have been.
Writing this article helped me see that fear doesn’t define me. It’s something I’ve experienced, but not something I wantto let control my life anymore.
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